Sunday, April 30, 2006

What On Earth Are You Teaching These Kids?

It’s camp time once again for the youth of the Crazy Cult. And as always, they’re going to hold it in some place far away from Manila, accessible only by plane or boat.

I can imagine the kids who can’t afford the expenses, racking their brains, looking under the bed, under the table, under a rock, praying for a miracle so that money will turn up somewhere, or someone with money will turn up and pay for everything that needs to be paid, just so they can attend their bloody camp.

I can also imagine the parents of these kids who can’t afford to go because there’s no money for it. Why oh why do they like to hold these blasted things so far away?

Baka naman meron lang gustong gumimik at kailangan nila ng “banal” na dahilan para gawin yon.

You see, in these camps, the Crazy Cultists pay for the travel and/or the lodging of the Evil Ones. And not only that, there are also people assigned to fan them while they eat, much like those old illustrations of Egyptian Royalty being fanned by their slaves with giant feathers. Ugh! Disgusting! And they like to call themselves SERVANTS OF THE LORD?

(Take note: It is highly possible that the people who fan the Evil Ones paid thousands of pesos for the camp fee, travel, board and lodging, and the expenses of the Evil Ones themselves. And what do these people get in return? They get to fan the Evil Ones and watch them eat. And if The Evil One is in a good mood, she’ll say they’re holy. If she’s not, she’ll have someone assign them to the toilet ministry.)

Ah these bloody camps and conferences. Some of the Crazy Cultists are so desperate to attend that they scrimp on food (di bale nang magka-ulcer basta makapunta), walk instead of taking the tricycle or the jeep under the scorching summer sun, and practically turn blue throwing hints at the rich cultists to take pity on them and sponsor their trip. And one other thing they do: they set aside their obligations so they can save up for the bloody camp. Yup. Nevermind that there are bills that need to be paid. Nevermind that three months worth of rent is due. God will take care of it. I am serving the Lord. He will take care of it.

This in essence is what they teach. Walk by faith. Rely on the Lord. Stretch your faith. Spend that money on the bloody camp. God will pay for your bills.

In the meantime: you’re going to get kicked out of your rented apartment. You’re going to lose the electricity at home. Your parents have no more money to cough up. But go to the camp and serve the Lord, and while you’re at it, pay for the expenses of your Evil Elders. Nevermind if you have responsibilities. Stretch your faith.

Stretch your faith everyday, every week, every month, every year.

Then you get older, and by some stroke of the ridiculous, you think you’re ready to have a family. Nevermind that you’re still living off someone else’s hard work. Nevermind that at your age, you still depend on someone else to feed you and maintain your lifestyle.

“Kuya M, how do you feed your family?” said one questioning young man.

I say, yeah, MAN, how DO you feed your family?

And you *____, how can you afford your RAV4 when you don’t even have a decent job? Heck, you're not even qualified! You don't even have a diploma for crying out loud!

And you ____, how can you afford all those Mont Blanc Pens when you don’t even own the house you live in, and can’t pay for the electric bill?

And you ____, how can you afford your Ferragamo shoes when the people who gave you the money to buy them can’t even buy decent shoes for themselves? (oops, I answered my own question)

And you ____, how can you afford to put up businesses in expensive places? Where did you get the capital? Aren’t you, your husband, and your children completely dependent on your parents? (oops, I answered my own question again, hehe)

And you ____, ah well, you. You married a rich man. Very smart! A word of advice to you: don’t wear backless gowns and cover them up with see through shawls. It emphasizes your back fat.

You Evil Ones, why don’t YOU stretch your faith? Stop asking for everyone else’s money. No one forced you to “serve the Lord”. Why are you charging people for your "services"? Why are you placing your responsibilities on other people? Why do you insist on being such a burden on people who can barely get by?

Look at the kids under you. Growing up to be as irresponsible as you: getting married and making babies, and then dumping the burden on someone else. You’ve fooled them into thinking that a miracle got them through, when actually someone else is paying dearly for it all.

You’ve even fooled yourselves into thinking that you’re being blessed for what you do. No, you’re not. You’re fakes. You’re irresponsible, spoiled, co-dependent brats. You’re thieves, and you’re merely enjoying the spoils of your best con ever.

Congratulations! You’ve successfully turned service to the Lord into the biggest excuse to be rich and lazy.



*brownie points if you can fill in all the blanks! ;-)

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

where is dis cult? your clues looks like new manila? is dis elims? d nakars?

1:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hahaha! you said it, not me :-)

12:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

any update?

10:18 AM  

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